Re-remembering Childhood
This service led by Jinjer Stanton
I think of childhood as the launching pad for life. Before we are even born, we decide on the course of study we plan for our lives so even the trials of childhood from abusive parents to teasing siblings are our personal creation. That being the case, it is useful to look at childhood from a new perspective. We can look at it in terms of the challenges presented and the lessons about life and the skills acquired instead of the tragedy, loss and abuse so many of us recall. Those things simply set the stage for the rest of our lives. They don't define the rest of our lives unless we let them.
And, oh my, what events can manifest in childhood! Human beings are incredibly creative, even in childhood. Jack Canfield said in the film The Secret that 85% of the adult US population had painful, tragic or abusive childhoods. That's more than eight out of ten of the people you meet every day. So your miserable childhood and mine are nothing out of the ordinary (in my next life I plan to experience a supporting and loving family for once).
In this life, I'm untangling the riddle of the childhood I chose this time. I was born into a family in which poverty was a virtue, and singing was... ugh! My mother was tone deaf and sang in church at the top of her lungs!
Because of all the moving around I experienced as a child, I learned early on that the safest profile was a low profile. The rule is that the new kid gets teased. If you withdraw into a shell, the other kids get bored after a while and ignore you instead. Of course, if you work hard on your lessons (having nothing else to do), you get attention from teachers so there is a delicate balance to achieve here. Attention from teachers means teasing from kids.
My mother broke her back in order to keep my father from divorcing her (a beautiful example of reality creation) when I was in second grade and the result was that my brother, sister and I got bounced from home to home for several years. One of those homes was that of the minister of my parent's church. He and his wife were best friends to my parents. That minister mistreated my siblings and I, but he also taught me, inadvertantly, my first lesson in reality creation.
This was soon after Barbie was introduced to the world and of all the toy commercials on TV, hers kept me riveted. They inspired in me a deep and abiding desire to own Barbie. I could see myself playing with her. Then I let go and stopped thinking about her all the time.
Christmas came and the only present I received that year was Barbie. Not from the minister, but from an aunt I didn't know. And I really got that lesson at the age of nine. Perhaps because the arrival of Barbie in my life was a miracle to me at that time on the level of the parting of the red sea or manna in the wilderness.
All of us had successes, miracles and joys in childhood. We tend not remember them so much. The unpleasant things get the most air time in our conversation, our memory and when we tell the story of our lives. They make us feel like victims. Victims are helpless and without control over events in their own lives.
It is a powerful thing to shift perspective on your childhood whether it was pleasant with occasional rough spots or rough with occasional times of pleasure. Take a moment to think of your childhood. What is the story you tell yourself (and others) about it?
The first time I tried this I couldn't remember anything that happened before I went to live with the aunt who'd sent me the Barbie doll. If something similar happens when you try, keep trying. Tell your subconscious you want to remember and you can handle remembering. Chances are that what was so hard to remember before will be easier now.
Think of that past as the launching pad for your life. Whatever terms you have used to describe your childhood before, think of it now as the vital stew of experience that made you who you are today, that set up the challenges that continue to shape your life.
We use personal history as an excuse (I will never be able to because back when I was [this] happened.). We hang on to personal history out of misguided loyalty (to abusers, to trajedy, to the person we once were, to cultural expectations about time and history, to the identity it gives us). For a while, there is survival value in doing this but the time comes when we are ready to be more than the sum of our history. When holding on becomes a prison. We become like the doves that have lived all their lives in a cage and when the door is opened, they refuse to leave.
Meditation
Right now, change the life you are living by going back to your childhood memories (or even your memories of adulthood) and sifting through them for those times when life was sweet. Remember the times you felt that someone cared whether it was a family member or a person passing in the street. Look for your successes and triumphs however undervalued they may have been by you, your family, your teachers and friends. The first time I tried this, all I could think of was my graduation. Now I look back and see many successes and I remember the times I felt loved by my mother or had fun playing with my friends (before all that moving around started).
Evaluate the lessons you learned from the difficult experience and see whether you could could have drawn different, more positive conclusions from them.
Write down this revised childhood (every bit as true as the one you've been telling) in as much detail as possible, then read it every day until you find yourself telling that story to yourself and others, until you recognize it as your true history. Then, look around and see what your life looks like and how it's changed.
Thank you for coming.
Namaste
Jinjer Stanton is a writer, yoga teacher and astrologer living in South Minneapolis. Click here to read more of her writing.