Telling the Truth
This service is led by Rev. Lynn Woodland
Just as all matter is part of one indivisible whole, so is all thought part of "one mind" of universal intelligence. This truth about our oneness and interconnectedness makes lying an impossibility. A lie implies and requires a separateness that doesn't exist. This concept may seem abstract and divorced from everyday reality as we know it however, as we learn to listen a little more closely to gut feelings and inner knowing, it becomes surprisingly easy to know when someone isn't being truthful. We know because something doesn't feel right, look right, or sound right. We know because at the deepest core of our being we're connected to each other, therefore we just know the truth.
When we live as if we can hide the truth from others, we diminish our power. Dishonesty is antithetical to synergy in the same way that fear is antithetical to love. I once heard a well known healer speak about the health benefits of telling the truth. He was able to see the energy field surrounding the physical body that reflects our state of physical and emotional health and noticed that whenever someone spoke an untruth, their aura would contract and become less healthy. Their immune system would actually be depressed. Medical intuitive and best-selling author, Caroline Myss, says, "...the human energy system identifies lies as poison." Spirit and body alike require honesty and integrity to thrive.
Honesty and our ability to keep our word comprise a major component of our integrity. Integrity is far more than our ability to be a good and moral person. One of the definitions of integrity listed in the dictionary is "The state of being whole, entire, or undiminished. A sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition." We are all conduits through which universal energy flows. The soundness or "integrity" of our channel is diminished by intentional dishonesty as well as by unintentional untruths, as when we fail to keep our word. Imagine this channel as a waterline and each untruth creates a tiny leak, lessening the energy that can come to us and diffusing the power that can come from us. While we may have chosen to lie to protect ourselves or serve our own purposes somehow, the end result is that every lie comes back home, undermining our capacity for intimacy, our power and even our physical health.
While most of us don't consider ourselves liars, if you were to review last month, how many moments would you be able to count when you spoke something other than the truth? Perhaps you said "yes" when you really meant "no," or made a social excuse that wasn't altogether truthful. The more attention I give to honesty, the more complex it seems. I become aware of how easy it is to lie, how natural and ingrained. I had always thought of myself as a truthful person, yet some years ago, when I challenged myself to total honesty, I was astonished by all the little "innocent" lies I was tempted to tell. There were my excuses for why I didn't attend social events; I had to learn to be truthful about my quiet nature and admit that I'm often just not in the mood for parties. There were excuses designed to spare people's feelings. I had to become willing to admit I was screening calls and didn't feel like talking instead of saying I wasn't home. I became aware of how many times people ask me how I am and I say "Great!" without even considering whether or not I'm speaking the truth.
While my "honesty" experiment raised many situations where honesty seemed unnecessary, hurtful or inappropriate, ultimately I concluded that there is always an appropriate way to handle a situation truthfully and less hurtfully than a lie.
As I vowed to speak only the truth, I often found myself drawn into a deeper level of interaction than I might have chosen if left to flow with the path of least resistance. And, while the energy I had to expend was greater, so were the rewards. When an old friend called after a long break in our communication, instead of slipping into an easy social lie for why we hadn't talked ("Oh, I've just been sooo busy...") I found myself explaining how our last conversation had hurt my feelings a little and that instead of saying so, I'd just put off calling. Then, as time went by I started feeling guilty about not calling and so I put it off even more. We wound up talking for over an hour about what was really going on between us, mending the hurts instead of sweeping them aside.
I've heard people insist that others can't always handle the truth and it's better to lie to spare their feelings. The chink in this theory is that there's a level of interaction that goes on between us, all the time, where we can't lie or hide the truth. Even when we may have no physical evidence that someone is lying to us, our instincts and gut feelings know the truth. We may not fully acknowledge this level of knowing consciously but it's still there. We may believe a spouse who says he or she's not having an affair, but if they are, on some level we know it. Something doesn't feel right. There's a distance between us. If we don't trust or even know how to listen to our intuitive awareness, we may turn these feelings in on ourselves and become self-critical or depressed.
When there is a lack of truth between people, it has a separating impact on the relationship whether or not the lie is ever discovered. This separation denies us the benefits inherent in that relationshipÑthe synergy, healing, joy and love. Even when we believe we're getting away with something, we're actually losing.
Separating Healing Truth from Hurtful Words
Telling the truth doesn't mean it's necessary to share every mean, judgmental thought that goes through our heads ("What an ugly shirt..., bad haircut..., stupid thing to say...," etc.). This level of "truth" isn't really about the other person. It stems from our own self-judgment that we then project onto the world around us. The difference between truth and judgment is that judgment always creates separation between people. Remember, judgment isn't the same as discernment. It's possible to evaluate someone's strengths and weaknesses and still feel acceptance and compassion for that person. Judgment always sets up a context of better and worse and focuses on what's wrong, either with another or ourselves. Because what we give attention to we make bigger, as we give attention to the failings of others, we call forth their worst behavior. In this way judgment always boomerangs and comes back to bite the one judging. Judgment needs to be healed rather than shared.
Truth, on the other hand, when it's free of judgment, is ultimately healing and frees energy that had been stuck in preserving the facade. Even when truth raises a lot of discord and doesn't seem to be healing at all, it's a necessary step for true healing to happen. Otherwise, the tension and conflict you fear will be stirred up by the truth is all held within your body, affecting your immune system, your physical health, your inner peace and your creative energy. While the conflict may be challenging to deal with as it comes into the open, the energy of it could be lethal if held inside indefinitely. Many people find their health improving as they speak the truth more often.
So, what if friends ask how we like their new hair style, business idea or mate, and we think they're awful? The highest response is the truth free of judgment, and might require discerning what's really being asked of us. Is our friend asking if we accept their choice or asking for an honest reality check? If it's the latter, we need to give honest, albeit painful, feedback. If, on the other hand, it's more a matter of different personal preferences, their may be something to honestly appreciate about the choice. I have an old friend whose taste I've never shared. We've come a long way since our junior high school days when she wouldn't hesitate to blurt out, "What an ugly dress!" Now we've developed a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other's styles so when we go shopping together and one of us excitedly pulls something off the rack saying, "Isn't this beautiful!", the other will say, "Why, that really looks like you!"
Many times I've been asked whether or not to disclose the fact of an extramarital affair after the affair has ended. My answer again hinges around the question, what does the other person want to know? If a spouse asks directly whether or not you've had an affair, it's important to answer honestly and deal with the consequences. As I mentioned before, on some level we all know the truth about each other, especially about things that affect us as deeply as our partner's fidelity. If a partner asks, it's safe to assume they already senses the truth at a conscious level. Not to acknowledge the truth at this point would create more distrust and separateness in the long run even though it may seem to keep peace in the short run. What's more, it can cause a great deal of inner turmoil in the partner who then has to choose whether to trust him or herself or the untrue words. This can be even more painful and confusing to bear than the truth.
On the other hand, if a partner doesn't ask or seem to want to know, it may be a way of indicating an unreadiness to deal with the information. It's not necessarily helpful or fair to dump a guilty confession on someone before they're ready for it. Neither is it healthy to keep a secret indefinitely. One option in this situation is to have a conversation with your partner's Higher Self at a time when they're not physically present and tell everything you need to get out in the open. Often by conversing at this level, the opportunity will soon arise to speak face to face in a way that's healing rather than shattering.
Higher Self Communication
This powerful technique begins with the assumption that we all have an aspect of our being that's greater than our conscious thoughts, feelings, histories and the limits of our physical body.
I think of the Higher Self as being wise beyond limit, thus able to know the truth about ourselves and others beyond what we can know with our physical senses. Being something more than our physical body, it's a part of us that's always whole and beyond harm. So, at the highest level of who we are, we can't be victimized by another. This doesn't mean we don't feel pain, but that a deeper part of us always survives, whole and intact. Finally, and most importantly, the basic nature of the Higher Self is that of unconditional love and oneness with all other beings.
Because consciousness itself has power, a very real interaction occurs as we direct thoughts and feelings toward another person. This interaction occurs whether or not we're consciously aware of it and whether or not we're in each other's physical presence.
Speaking directly to someone's Higher Self is a way to gently, and often miraculously, heal stubborn rifts with people, send protection and healing, or broach a conversation we haven't yet found a way into face to face. It's very powerful between lovers, parents and children and family members because there's such a strong psychic link in these intimate relationships. But it's also an effective way to deal with any kind of relationship: with a boss, co-workers or friends. It can be used to stay connected with loved ones no longer living and is even a way to draw into our lives people we haven't met yet, such as a future lover, teacher, child or someone who may be able to offer help in some important way.
Of course, it's not a technique for secretly getting other people to do what we want. People respond to "in-spirit" manipulation about as poorly as they do to in-person manipulation. Many will instinctively sense your energy-grabbing attempts and be repelled. Others who are more susceptible to manipulation may succumb for a while, setting up a relationship pattern in which the manipulator is affirmed in the belief that devious means are needed to get what should be given freely, and the manipulated person is affirmed in powerlessness and vulnerability. Ultimately, both are disempowered and come out losers. To avoid having this process boomerang in an unpleasant way, it's important to begin any Higher Self communication by first connecting with your own Higher Self and speaking from the part of you that wants only the best for everyone involved.
Exercise: Speaking the Truth
Try this exercise with a relationship where there's something unresolved between you. It may be someone who you feel has hurt you or someone who feels hurt by you It could be someone from whom you're withholding a truth they deserve to know.
Step One
Sit quietly in front of an unlit candle with paper and pen close by. Take a few moments to relax and attune to your own Higher Self. Play music if you wish. Bring to mind the person you chose to speak to.
Step Two
Light the candle and imagine the flame representing the highest qualities of this person. Spend a few moments looking into the flame, feeling her or his presence. Feel only the presence of this being's highest, most loving essence.
Step Three
Speak from your Higher Self to the other person's Higher Self. Speak out loud or silently and imagine the person hearing you as clearly as if he or she were physically present. Share whatever you've been unable to share face to face: feelings of anger and hurt, secrets, untruths, apologies, or any kind of conversation you've been afraid to have directly. If you've never acknowledged the kernel of truth in this person's position, do so now.
Step Four
After speaking your message, imagine the response that comes from this person's Higher Self and write it down.
Step Five
Continue to dialogue in this way until you feel complete. Ask this person's Higher Self to work with yours to create peace and harmony between you in the highest possible way. End your conversation by thanking the person, saying good-bye and extinguishing the candle.
Thank you for coming.
Namaste
Rev. Lynn Woodland is a writer, and founder of Miracles of the Spirit. She has spent her entire professional life promoting spiritually empowering alternatives. To learn more about Lynn Woodland’s work, visit www.lynnwoodland.com or www.quantumspiritunlimited.com