Why do some prayers seem to go unanswered?
Research shows a powerful connection between prayer and physical healing but there's an art and science to prayer that make some more effective than others. Often prayer is something we don't even think to do until we're desperate and have exhausted all other resources. In this state, our prayers are less a reflection of our trust in a Higher Power and more an affirmation of our own powerlessness. These aren't the most effective prayers.
There's a Bible passage, Matthew 7:7, that says, "Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I believe this to be spiritual law, not religious metaphor, and when applied correctly, it works. Obviously there's a trick to it because we all could name things we asked and pleaded for but never got. The secret lies in another spiritual law, which we've heard a distortion of in the familiar, "It's better to give than receive" but comes through more clearly in the modern day spiritual text, A Course in Miracles, as "Giving and receiving are the same."
If we combine "Ask and you shall receive" with "Giving and receiving are the same," it means our prayer request needs to offer up, to give, a bit of what we're asking for in order to be truly effective. A powerful prayer is one where we create first within ourselves a bit of the peace, joy, love, surrender, safety and fulfillment we want to grow in our lives and give it up to Spirit-like planting a seed.
When prayers don't work they're often a desperate plea of, "Pleeeaaassse God, rescue me!!" They may have an element of bartering: "Pleeaassse... I'll do anything!" Or we may be praying from our fear-based need for control where we come to God with a grocery list of specific requests saying, in effect, "This, God, and only this will do!" This undermines the purpose and power of prayer: to give us what is truly for our highest good, not just the limit of what we can imagine our highest good to be.
Spirit gives us what we love and ask for, and we demonstrate what we love and ask for it by how we give our attention. Our state of mind is a powerful force and what we give attention to we magnify. So if we're praying (i.e. pleading) for good things while we fill our attention with wishing (i.e. magnifying what we don't have), complaining (i.e. magnifying what's wrong), resenting (i.e. magnifying separateness and lack of love) and worrying (can you think of any time worrying helped?), is it any wonder that God answers our prayers by giving us is more of the same?
If our prayers aren't being answered in the way we hoped, we might need to ask differently. A 180 degree turnaround may be in order. Instead of a "pleading" prayer, try a "giving" prayer. Transform wishing into gratitude by giving thanks for what you have and even for unanswered prayers as though they have already been fulfilled. Turn complaining into creating by focusing on what you can create in your situation rather than what's wrong with it. Change resentment into forgiveness. If it's hard to forgive, start with yourself. If it's still difficult, ask yourself the question often: Would you rather have God answer your prayers by proving you right or by making you happy? And when your mind is crowded with worries, this is the time for faith. Reach up to a higher power. Recognize that your personal power may not be enough to get you through but Divine Power is.